Well I am going to apologize in advance for venting/ranting, but this is the only way I think is healthy enough to get it out....
Well it is midnight here in Milwaukee and I have been up for over 13 hours and I am starting to wear down. Stephen told me earlier that he needed a "break" because his arm hurt and that he couldn't pick up and hold Nadia. I was pissed when he told me this, because, not only am I still in pain and extremely sore but, im the one that has to stay up and take care of her and everything else while he is awake playing on his computer all night. This means that I have to get up with her ever other hour tonight and tomorrow and clean the house along with doing laundry like always. I am the one left to do everything. Lucky me, right? NO not at all. I am sick of the only one pulling my weight around here. He isn't working so he can do some shit around here. Am I wrong? If so, please tell me why..
All I ask for is a little help. Our house is a mess and unorganized and it is really stressing me out. Hell everything is stressing me out. Having anxiety, bi polar and depression doesn't help anything either. I had an panic attack earlier today and it wasnt a small one either. All this excess stress and worry is making all my anxiety to come back when I had it under control.
Not to mention that I just break out crying for no reason at all and Stephen thinks nothing of it. Doesn't ask why or whats wrong anymore.. He just is like are you crying again... ya idk. I just wish that things would get better.
We don't even cuddle anymore or sleep next to each other anymore. He sleeps on the couch and I sleep in the bed alone. We rarely kiss anymore and he never holds my hand anymore in public. Hell we never leave the freaking house anymore. He never wants to just go for a walk or go to the beach anymore. I feel like our relationship is going down the drain and I don't know how to save it anymore..
I really don't wanna lose him because I still do love him terribly and don't think I could go on without him in my life. He and Nadia is all I know now. I have no family and barely any friends here, (hell I don't even hang out with them at all) so him and his family are all I know here. I am just scared I guess. I have been crying a lot lately and I think that I am getting PPD (Post Pardum Depression)on top of what I have....Great, just what I need. More meds to take...
Well I am going to go for now because Nadia is finally asleep after an hour of crying and fussing. I need to TRY and get some sleep. Night Yall
I wish I could give you a huge hug! I am so sorry you're stressed out and everything is not working smoothly. I really hope it gets better. It sounds like you and Stephen need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk. Having a newborn is trying, but it will get better. Why don't you two save a date and make it a point to go do something adventurous with your new bundle of joy? Remember you're a strong woman and you're doing the best you can. I know a messy house can be horrible, but relax and try to let it go for a day or two. Just try to keep the messes a little organized (Basically, laundry in the basket, papers in a the same place, etc...).
ReplyDeleteMiss you and hang in there.
awwww thanks cuzzy! I love ya. Ya I havent done a thing around the house today at all. I am just relaxing watching some Football. Stephen and I did finally talk and work things out. Im glad. I hate when we are mad each other.
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