yulp..

So I havent been on here much due to the fact that I have a newborn that needs my every min of attention.  She has been growing and eatting like crazy.  Some nights she is fussy and keeps us up and then other nights she is so quiet and precious.   The other day I got her all dressed up in her Packers gear and took some photos.  I shall show you some here...

 

 

 

She started to get a lil fussy and tired after awhile so I will have to take some more next time.  

It hasnt been a great week this week.  My birthday is on Sunday and I know what is going to happen.  I am going to be sitting here with Nadia and Stephen is going to be asleep all day.  I wont be with friends or with family.  I will be here sitting on my ass not doing a damn thing.  No one to make me dinner or give me a small break or even wish me a happy birthday.  

Stephen and I's relationship has been on the rocks lately as well.  We have been at each others throats and its really hurting our relationship a lot.  We no longer sit next to each other on the couch or even sleep next to each other in the bed.  He is up all night and sleeps all day.  I sleep at night and im up all day without him.  We never leave the house and I feel like I never see him anymore unless he is asleep.  It is getting really hard and I am getting very depressed about it.  I know that its hard because we are both stressed and over tired, but our relationship shouldn't be going down the drain.  I know couples that have a baby and are more in love then before they had a baby.  Not us.  We are suffering and I'm scared.  I dont want to be on my own and be a single mother again, so I am stuck here.  I am stuck here suffering thru a relationship that keeps going downward.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I am lost.

Well, Well, Well...

Well, lets just say that I am starting to feel old LOL!

My birthday is on this up coming Sunday (Oct 2).  I will be 26. Ya I know that isnt old at all but I don't feel like I did when i was a teenager.  I don't have the energy like I had either.  I wish I did so i could do things that I love (frog hunting, hiking thru the woods, climbing trees, etc..). O well.  I can try to do them.  aha 

Well I just thought that I would mention that on here.  I need to go because the wee one is waking up.  :) Later yall

A Lil Frustrated at the Moment..

Well I am going to apologize in advance for venting/ranting, but this is the only way I think is healthy enough to get it out....

   Well it is midnight here in Milwaukee and I have been up for over 13 hours and I am starting to wear down.  Stephen told me earlier that he needed a "break" because his arm hurt and that he couldn't pick up and hold Nadia.  I was pissed when he told me this, because, not only am I still in pain and extremely sore but, im the one that has to stay up and take care of her and everything else while he is awake playing on his computer all night. This means that I have to get up with her ever other hour tonight and tomorrow and clean the house along with doing laundry like always.  I am the one left to do everything.  Lucky me, right?  NO not at all. I am sick of the only one pulling my weight around here.  He isn't working so he can do some shit around here.  Am I wrong?  If so, please tell me why.. 

All I ask for is a little help.  Our house is a mess and unorganized and it is really stressing me out.  Hell everything is stressing me out.  Having anxiety, bi polar and depression doesn't help anything either.  I had an panic attack earlier today and it wasnt a small one either.  All this excess stress and worry is making all my anxiety to come back when I had it under control.

Not to mention that I just break out crying for no reason at all and Stephen thinks nothing of it.  Doesn't ask why or whats wrong anymore.. He just is like are you crying again... ya idk.  I just wish that things would get better. 

We don't even cuddle anymore or sleep next to each other anymore.  He sleeps on the couch and I sleep in the bed alone.  We rarely kiss anymore and he never holds my hand anymore in public.  Hell we never leave the freaking house anymore.  He never wants to just go for a walk or go to the beach anymore.  I feel like our relationship is going down the drain and I don't know how to save it anymore..  

I really don't wanna lose him because I still do love him terribly and don't think I could go on without him in my life.  He and Nadia is all I know now.  I have no family and barely any friends here, (hell I don't even hang out with them at all) so him and his family are all I know here.   I am just scared I guess.  I have been crying a lot lately and I think that I am getting PPD (Post Pardum Depression)on top of what I have....Great,  just what I need.  More meds to take...

Well I am going to go for now because Nadia is finally asleep after an hour of crying and fussing.  I need to TRY and get some sleep.  Night Yall

A to Z of ME!!!

Well I found this little questionnaire on my lovely cousins Blog.  I love these kind of things so I took it and I am going to answer it.  :)

I found my A to Z from Danielle over at Simple Sapphire CHECK HER OUT and Link up!

A - Age: 25 (26 on the 2nd of OCT.)
B - Bed size: I have a queen size
C - Chore that you hate: Cleaning out the cat box.. ewww.. lol
D - Dogs: Well if you count my moms dog then one.
E - Essential start to your day:   COFFEE!!!!!!
F - Favorite color: oh lordy.  I have many.  I think Pink, Black, Orange, Green
G - Gold or Silver: White Gold
H - Height:  5' 4"
I - Instruments you play:  I played the flute in Middle and High School.
J - Job title:  Stay at home mama
K - Kids: I have a 4 yr old, 2 yr old and a new born that is 2 weeks today. (all girls lol)
L - Live:  Milwaukee, WI
M - Mother’s name:  Cheryl
N - Nicknames:  Ash, Sis, Re Re
O - Overnight hospital stays:  After giving birth and when I had tonsillitis.
P - Pet peeves: Men that wear their pants to tight or to lose, Men that sag to their ankles, Dirty dishes in the sink.
Q - Quote from a movie: I like too many movies to quote just one.
R - Right or left handed:  Right
S - Siblings:  I am the middle child and only girl.  I have an older brother and a younger brother. They are both in the Military.
T - Time you wake up:  i usually wake up around between 6am and 8am.  Depending on what time Nadia wakes up in the morning.
U - Underwear:  haha I love cotton boy short kinda undies. 
V - Vegetable you hate:  Brussel Sprouts and cooked spinach.  I will eat spinach raw but not cooked. yuck!
W - What makes you run late:   I am a mother of three.  I am never on time...
X - X-Rays you’ve had: Neck, Chest, Shoulder, Ankle
Y - Yummy food that you make: Biscuits and Gravy, Steak, Mashed taters, pancakes, etc...
Z - Zoo animal: Leopards, foxes, penguins lol.  I LOOOVE animals!   :)

My Week...

Ahhhh,  Last time I posted anything I was in the hospital on 9/11.  Well, I am home and have been home since Monday.  Nadia and I had to stay an extra day in the hospital due to her biliruben count.  She had to be on the lights another night. Luckily, it went down and we went home on that late morning.  It was a long day after that.  She has been good and very sweet.  Last night and a night before she was extremely fussy.  I think what it was is that she was overly tired and just wanted to be held up by my chest so she could hear my heart beat, as soon as I did that she stopped crying and went right to sleep. 
I, myself, have been overly tired myself and I haven't had a good nights rest since I had her.  I knew that this would happen but I didn't know I would feel horrible.  I have a scratchy throat and have been coughing a lot.  I think it could be smoke from the MN fires that have been going on.  A few days ago we were under an sir quality alert, telling people to not go out in it.  I believe that might be it because I get really bad Fall allergies.  Hopefully that is all it is, I can't afford to come down with something with Stephen still not able to use his arm. 
Anyways that is all for now.  We haven't done anything at all.  All I know is that I need to clean this house but I know that it will not get done.

oh well. lol.  I hope that everyone has a great weekend!

Never Forget

It is officially 10 years since that tragic day in our history.

I am watching all the memorials on the TV in the hospital.  I still can not believe that its been this long already.  I still remember being in High School getting ready for a Math test when a teacher came in and took our teacher out in the hall way and she came back in the room running to the TV and turning it on.  Needless to say we did not take the test that day.  We watched in awe as our country was being attacked by terrorist.  The rest of the day school was nothing but going from classroom to classroom just watching CNN.  

I was really scared and didn't know what to think.  I got home and kept watching the televison.  I will never forget.  My brothers are fighting for this country.  I am very proud of them and still get nervous when I hear or see photos of the places over seas that they post.  

I just want to say GOD BLESS THE USA and may all the souls that lost their lives on this day 10 years ago and for all the souls lost along the way in this war REST IN PEACE.  

GOD BLESS.

Nadia Evelyn is HERE!!

It is 7 in the morning and I just had some breakfast.  Sitting here sipping on some coffee (something I haven't been able to have during pregnancy).  I am up in the hospital right now.  Nadia was born on Sep 9, 2011 at 2:28am at 7lbs 2oz and 19 1/4ins long.  She has dark dark hair and A LOT of it as well!

About 10mins after she was born

  She is currently sleeping and being a good baby.  She was a little fussy last night, not bad tho.  She wasn't screaming or crying, just little whines and whimpers.   Everything went fine in the labor department, although I didn't get numb on my left side from the epidural because I went from 3cm to 10cm in like 30mins.  I pushed for a good hour to almost 2 hours.  She was faced the wrong way and I guess her arm was up by her head, so she was being very stubborn and didn't want to come out.  :)  We got her out tho.  Stephen got to cut the cord and hold her.  He is doing extremely well with holding her and he even got to feed her!!  She just lays on his bad arm all cuddled up.  Its so darn cute!

All snuggled up in Daddys arms trying to eat :)

Just relaxing :)

Myself, I am doing ok.  I am a little sore and still get a little light headed when I stand to long.   I have been so hungry too!  I am like dang!  I'm not going to like pig out either!  I don't wanna gain weight! LOL.
Well I am going to go for now.  I just thought that I would do a little post and let everyone know what is going on.

Well I hope that yall have a great weekend!

Well Well.  It is Thursday!  Which means that it is the First game of the Football Season! WOOHOO!
To make matters even better the Packers and the Saints are playing here in WI at Lambeau Field!  I have been watching the TODAY SHOW all morning and they are up in Green Bay atm for the Kick Off tonight.  Its going to be a good game!  I know that I am from Indiana and I should be for the COLTS.  Don't fret I am still a HUGE Colts fan but, ever since I have moved here I have been watching a lot of the Packers games and they are really exciting.  The Packer fans are nuts as well.  They go ALL out on everything with tailgating and drinking to the crazy outfits that they wear to the games.
I am proud to say that I am becoming a Cheese Head.  Yes.  It is true.  I mean cmon I am practically married to a cheese head.  He is a HUGE Packers fan, as we speak right now he is asleep on the couch with his Packer blanket.

Well on another note.  I go into the doctor today for my 39 week checkup.  We are going to see what he says about inducing me.  I have been in  a lot of pain and I have talked to nurses at the hospital and they have told me that if my cervix is soft or whatever he will more then likely induce me.  Last week i have dilated 1cm.  I do hope that he induces me.  Im real tired of being pregnant.

ANYWAYS!  I hope that everyone watches the game tonight on NBC!!

GO PACK GO!!

~My Weekend~

Well, its about 9pm here in WI.  I am just reclined in one of our recliners just relaxing and watching some Star Wars on Spike.  It is Labor Day and Stephen and I have done nothing all week and weekend. 

Poor guy is still in pain and she wants some love so she just laid on him.

We have been cleaning and trying to get everything done and organized for Nadia to come.  We have everything that we need besides a diaper bag, swing, and a bouncer.  We don't really need those things but I would love to have them because it makes life so much easier, ya know. 
Saturday it was a very, very lazy day.  It rained most of the day and was humid and kinda sticky, so we just laid around yet again and didn't do anything but watch TV and play on our computers.   That is all about all we can do now, since he can't drive or go anywhere due to his meds and me because yet again I am on bedrest and not suppose to be up and about everywhere. 

Even Daffodil was being lazy on Saturday.

On Sunday (yesterday) it was so nice out that we opened up the house and did some house work around the place.  Stephen helped me pull out the couch and I picked up the area rug and swept behind the couch and under the area rug along with the whole living room again.  Also moped and cleaned the kitchen.  Stephen's good buddy, Tony, came by with his son and stayed for a little bit and chit chatted with him.  I think that it was good for him (Stephen) to have someone come over and spend some time with him.  He is getting kinda down in the dumps. 

On his computer playing some games.

Today is Monday and Labor Day.  Stephen's mom and I went to the mall to JC Penny's because she wanted to go and get this steam mop that was on sale there.  We got there and she got the last one!  (so lucky!)  We also walked around a bit and looked in other stores at all the cute baby clothes and Halloween and fall decor.  It was a good time and a great way to get out of the house.  I was hurting at the end of our 3 hour excursion out at the mall.  I was glad to get home and relax.. I do believe that is how my contractions have started tonight.  They aren't to intense but they are still hurting, so I am sitting around with my feet up. 

Well I do hope that everyone had a great weekend and stayed safe during it.  

Happy Fall Everyone!

Friday Night

Its a Friday night and Stephen and I have not done a thing.  We have been sitting around and sleeping.  We are both not aloud to be up and moving around.  I am on bedrest til I go into labor (which will be anyday now) and Stephen isn't suppose to be moving around to much because he had surgery on his arm on Wednesday.
The surgery went well and he is still in some pain but the swelling in his hand has gone down a lot since his surgery.  He has to wear the cast/ splint for 2 weeks.  He then will go back in and start his physical therapy.  I am so thankful that workmans comp is paying for all this and 2/3 of his wages.  We could never afford this at all.

I, myself, have been having contractions.  I went to the doctor yesterday and I am 1cm dilated when he checked me.  I am sure that I will go any time now.  I have been having contractions on and off for two days now and they are getting worst.  I do hope she does come soon so I can start to feel like myself and heal up myself so I can take care of Stephen and Nadia without feeling like crap.
Any way.  It has been a week and I will be glad when all this is over and we can start anew.